Untold Riches

I don’t know exactly what we were thinking 14 years ago when we decided June 22 was a good day for a wedding.  Hindsight is 20/20.  Without fail, our anniversary always falls during exam week and we spend our anniversary at the table, Ben marking true and false questions while I work my way through the essays.

Whoever planned Father’s Day for the end of June was also not a teacher/married to a teacher.  June, especially the last couple weeks, are too crazy for any intense celebrating and we usually default to celebrating Father’s Day in the summer.  This year, we sneaked it in just before school started again.

We treated Ben to a pancake breakfast, (mostly) uninterrupted alone time to watch football, and family dessert at Le Macaron.  We love him wholeheartedly and he loves us with a servant heart that I have never before seen.  Happy belated (or as T says, fake) Father’s Day, my love.

Throughout the day, the boys kept asking for what we call “cardboard cookies”. Think the bright pink and cream wafer cookies that we all remember from our childhoods.  They look like cardboard, taste like cardboard, and for some reason, my kids love them.  I spent the day today baking chocolate chip cookies and banana muffins from scratch, and guess which ones they asked for.  Go figure.

I knew that we were going to Le Macaron (a fantastic gourmet dessert shoppe) after supper, so I kept telling the boys to wait, something better was coming.  There were tears and constant questions, bargaining as they tried to finagle their way into eating cardboard.  The most exquisite desserts were waiting for them, ones they would have to do nothing to earn or pay for, except being my kids and I had a gift card to spend on them (and Ben).

It reminded me of C.S. Lewis’ quote-

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” (The Weight of Glory)

 

Too often, I am like the boys.  I think I know what I want, and that my heart’s desire is the fulfillment of my every need.  What I have not seen, however, is everything that God desires to bless me with which is abundantly better than what I often want.  My unwillingness to wait, or to live in the tension that waiting demands, blinds me to the promise of hope deferred.

We anesthetize ourselves with everything we can think of- food, tv, anger, selfies- to keep ourselves from having to be real with ourselves, our family and friends, and ultimately with our God.  We think it will be too much to bear if we fully committ to transparency and vulnerability.  We instead opt for fake vulnerability and fake Instagram comments that make us feel better while we fool only ourselves.

Isn’t it awe-inspiring that the God of the universe, the One who sang you into existence, desires only your good.  The temptation comes in wanting to dictate to God what that good looks like because we think we can ensure freedom from hurt and pain and loss.  But those are often gifts from God, drawing us closer to Him.

So, let’s purposefully and with intention, remember that God has infinitely more for us than we can ever hope or imagine.  We have a holiday at the sea, or desserts at Le Macaron, waiting for us if we don’t allow ourselves to get sidetracked with poor imitations.  Put down the cardboard cookie, there is something so much better waiting for you.

A Constant Refocusing

If my life had a soundtrack, the song “Be Thou My Vision” would be the first single.  When Payton unexpectedly ended up in isolation after he was born, when we had doctors and nurses telling us to prepare ourselves because babies with Group B Strep as bad as Payton had it usually die, “Be Thou My Vision” was the one song that I could think to sing as I sat beside his bassionet.  I reached my hand through the portal and sang that song over and over as tears streamed down my face.  In the face of the possible death of this little person who I had carried close to my heart for nine months, the words became my prayer- that in the midst of everything, regardless of what happened- my vision would remain fixed on God.

Nine (almost 10!) years later, this song remains one of my favourites.  Whenever I get sidetracked in life or when I am frustrated, I circle back to this life anthem-

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

I admit that my frustrations often stem from walking the Christian journey.  Christians are not exempt from dealing with problems, and often these problems are of our own making.  I have spent my whole life in church (many churches to be exact) and other Christian communities and I would want it no other way, but recognizing that being in community is important doesn’t make me blind to the problems that are inherent when you put together a group of humans to try and do life together.  There are times when I just want to throw in the towel and strike out on a solitary journey.

But…but… “God is faithful to us and among us and despite us.” (Melissa Moore-Entrusted)

This has been running through my head today as I contemplate doing life in community.  Regardless of what problems we run in to, and we will run in to plenty because humans are humans, God remains faithful to His purpose and the building His kingdom.  It is easy to get sidetracked, but the focus of our vision must remain Christ if we are to be effective in fulfilling our purpose.

So, I hope that whatever you are encountering- whether it is loss or heartache or betrayal or frustration- that you will take the time to refocus on Christ.  It is through Him that we live and breathe and move, and through His power that we continue to walk this Christian journey.  It’s a wonderful delayed hope, knowing that the last verse of the song rings true-

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heav’n’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whate’er befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

For a stunning rendition of “Be Thou My Vision” by Audrey Assad, click here.