The Lost Art of Female Mentorship

Much attention has been paid in the past few years to men disliking the church. I have a secret to share: many women don’t like it all that much either. For many women, church has become a place to get dressed up for, to get an hour of peace during Sunday school, or to attend because it is expected. Why are women seeing the church more as work or a place to be seen than as a caring, nurturing community? I believe the answer lies in Titus 2:3-5 and the lost art of female mentorship.

In Titus, God lays out a blueprint for female mentorship. Older women are supposed to teach and mentor the younger women. It seems simple enough, but why is mentorship a rarity rather than the norm? Mentorship, by it’s very nature, encourages vulnerability and openness with each other. That’s not easy for women. We live in a society that places greater emphasis on how we look and the image that we project than on our character. Mentorship forces women out of their comfort zones and together to learn to share life. That is the meaning of community, and ladies, too many of us are missing out. Mentorship also causes us to go deeper in our relationship with Christ as we reveal our real selves to each other with an attitude of humility that can save others from making our same mistakes.

Titus 2:3-5 gives us a plan for embracing mentorship and all it’s benefits:

• Be a woman of the Word. Engage in personal bible study, but be willing to learn in community so that others can learn with you and from you. Make this a priority.

• Look for opportunities to be in the “older woman” shoes. No one needs or wants you to be perfect. In fact, the less perfect you present yourself the easier it is for us to relate to you. A listening ear, a cup of coffee, and an offer to pray with a younger woman can make the hardest day bearable. Many are away from their natural mothers, so look for those women. “Younger women”- look to fill those shoes for the students and teens you see around you. Don’t let the label of mentor be off putting. You can make the difference in someone else’s life.

• Be willing to be the “younger woman”. Look for someone who has dealt with the same issues you are dealing with and be willing to ask them for advice. Be teachable. Be candid. Do this regardless of your age.

Christian women have the unique opportunity of being part of a network of women that teach and learn from each other. This network is only strengthened as more women look to those around them to encourage and befriend. If we choose to isolate ourselves from other women, we lose the art of female mentorship, and we lose women from the church. Female mentorship may take many different forms within different congregations, but each will focus on drawing women into closer relationships with each other and God.

First published on In the Shadow of Grace~ February 12, 2013

Grad Commencement Speech: Part 2

I love these faces.  They make me happy and they spent a good portion of their Grade 12 year making me laugh.  Getting to know amazing young men and women (or as my friend Jill calls them- Baby Adults) is one of the greatest blessings of teaching.  Having to say goodbye to amazing young men and women is one of the worst parts of teaching.

As they prepared to step out into the big wide world, I tried to narrow down everything I wanted to say to them, weeding out the extraneous to get to the most important.

Part 2:

Well, this will be my last time to teach you or give advice, and I am used to a full hour, but I will try to go quickly. I have 7 pieces of advice I’d like to leave with you, so here it goes:

1. Live, work, and love with excellence. Do more than just the bare minimum, even when you don’t want to.  Have high standards for your own behaviour and stick to them regardless of the context.
2. Look for those who need a friend. Look for those who are on the fringes and make a point to reach out to them.
3. Choose to remain in community. Keep in touch with those friends who love you and who aren’t afraid to call you on your sin issues.
4. Never make decisions out of fear- fear of what you will miss, fear of what others will think of you, fear of the unknown. Decisions made out of fear are always bad decisions. I John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear”
5. Remember that every decision you make has consequences, be they good or bad. Think through all of those consequences before you made a final decision.
6. Ask questions. Ask deep, hard questions that will possibly make you uncomfortable. Cultivate a personal sense of inquiry that forces you to step out of your comfort zone. Don’t be satisfied with pat answers.  Dig deep into Scripture, talk to trusted mentors, and read lots.
7. Develop a healthy fear of God. A recognition that God is a God of justice as well as love will help you make better decisions.

Benediction

I want to end with my vision for you.  My vision is that we will hear reports of the good works that you will accomplish as you step out in faith to do the tasks that God has prepared for you before the creation of the world.  That you will go out from here knowing that the pleasures of this world cannot compare to a life lived for and an eternity lived with Christ. That you will go forth with the head knowledge and the heart understanding that you have been entrusted with the GOOD NEWS for a world full of pain and despair.  That you will take those opportunities given you to speak hope and life over lives that are broken while acknowledging your own brokenness and need for a Savior. You are not done getting prepared to live a life for God.  You are just beginning.

Go with our blessings, our love, and our prayers.  You are loved more than you can ever know by the staff, your family and friends, and by our amazing God.  Go with Him by your side.

Will you please rise and, if you would like, stretch our your hands to our graduates for a benediction-

‘“May the Lord bless you
and keep you;
²⁵ may the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
²⁶ may the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”’  Amen.

I am so proud of each and every one of these (former) students and the hard work they put in to reach their goals.  I am excited to see where God will take them and how they will become world-changers.  What an exciting thing to get to see.

Grad Commencement Speech- Part 1

This past spring I was asked to give the graduation commencement speech for our Grade 12 class at the school.  To be honest, I was a little shocked and nervous.  There are other teachers/parents who are much funnier than I am and the kids know that I have a tendency to cry, so I was anxious.  But, things actually went better than I could have ever hoped for.  Over the next couple days, I will post the speech in two parts.  Hopefully it is a blessing to you.

Part 1:

One of the most commonly cited complaints I hear about Christian school is that it is a bubble.  I much prefer to look at it like greenhouse.  You have had years, some more than others, to allow your roots to go down deep into a firm Biblical understanding.  Now, you are on the verge of walking out of these doors for the last time as a student and you are being transplanted into a world that desperately needs what you have.

I was told that your class verse is Micah 6:8- “He has told you what is good and what does the Lord require of you? But to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. 

This is a big mandate and I am excited that you have chosen this verse for yourselves.  Have you thought about what this verse means in your life? I have spent some time think it through over the past weeks.

In our culture, we have a tendency to do the reverse of what the verse says.  We have a tendency to love justice, and do kindness.  We have a culture that loves to see justice dealt out, that is quickly offended when we are hurt and we love to see the people who hurt us get what they deserve.  We love to love justice when we are hurt, but are we as quick to apply that same sense of justice as we evaluate our own faults?

We do kindness when it is organized or when it is convenient.  We plan random acts of kindness days and often feel either put out or proud when we do show kindness.

This verse is actually pointing out the flipside of our natural tendencies.  We are to do justice, but we are to LOVE kindness. The hallmarks of a follower of Jesus should be kindness.  Loving kindness means that we will default to being kind to others as it will flow out of the wellspring of our hearts.  Our need for justice will diminish in our desire to be kind and merciful.  We are able to forgive those who have hurt us because we recognize that Christ has forgiven us and that living a life of kindness and mercy is much more freeing.

The last part of the verse invites us to walk humbly with our God.  Each one of you, whether you are heading to Bible college, to university or college, or choosing to take a gap year and work, have the opportunity to choose whether you will walk through the coming years with God, humbly acknowledging that He is God and you are not.  Recognizing that He has promised you wisdom and understanding if you will submit your life, will, and heart to Him.  But, as with everything in this Christian journey, it is a choice which you will have to make daily.  It is not easy, but it is so very good when you know the Creator of the universe is walking beside you.

Amy, the class Valedictorian, giving her speech

See you tomorrow for the second part of the speech.

On My Nightstand

One of the things I love the most about summer time is that I have (practically) unlimited time to read.  I collect books throughout the year to read during July and August.  Trips to the public library are pretty much a weekly affair as I try and pass on my love of reading to the boys.  Right now, these are the books that I have on my nightstand:

The Broken Way– Ann Voskamp

Ann’s first book, 1000 Gifts, was life changing for me.  She writes as a poet and she challenged me to count 1000 blessings in my daily life.  The experience shifted my worldview and led me to a greater understanding of how God uses the little routine happenings of life to draw us closer to Him and to bless us.  I am excited to read this book as it talks about brokeness and how God is only able to use us from a place of brokeness as it is then that we are able to be molded by God into the people He wants and needs us to be.

Daring Greatly– Brene Brown

I love Brene Brown.  If you have not watched her TedTalk, go here immediately and watch it.  It will be 20 minutes well invested. I spend most of my time underlining important thoughts and making notes in the margin when I read her books.  This book looks at vulnerability and why mainting a carefully constructed facade actually keeps one from developing healthy relationships.  I actually think this book fits well with The Broken Way- both look at the importance of vulnerability but from two different perspectives.

Rising Strong– Brene Brown

This is the first Brene Brown book I ever read.  I took it out of the public library and read it through in 2 days (picture me trying to keep it clean while I was having my hair dyed-I couldn’t put it down).  It was so engaging, and I spent half of my time wanting to write in it, that I bought it for myself.  It looks at resiliency and how people who are resilient are not afraid of emtion and not afraid to lean into their discomfort.

The House on Mango Street– Sandra Cisneros

I am (a little) ashamed of how many times my pre-AP English students ask me if I’ve read a specific AP novel and I have to say “No”.  That being said, there are something like 700 novels on the AP list, so I’m not that ashamed.  One of my students read The House on Mango Street this year and was willing to let me borrow her copy (thanks, Brooklyn!). This is a perfect quick read for the beach.

Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys– Stephen James and David Thomas

This is one of my go-to parenting books.  I love that it breaks the developmental stages of boys down, making it easy to read the section(s) that apply to each specific age group.  Right now, P is in the “Individual” group (ages 9-12), D is in the “Lover” group (ages 5-8), and T is in the “Explorer” group (ages 2-4).  It is fun to watch my boys grow older and more mature- T is entering kindergarten this fall!!!- and this book has been a help in understanding how the boy brain works.

Present Over Perfect– Shauna Niequist

Shauna wrote this book for me- I swear.  Any other perfectionists out there- this is your book as well.  Shauna’s books are always a compilation of essays, so this one is perfect to read in small snatches.

Visible Learning for Literacy– Douglas Fisher, Nancy Frey, and John Hattie

It’s summer and, although I spend the majority of my time reading for pleasure, there are always a couple titles that I have put aside over the year that I want to read for professional development over the summer.  Both Visible Learning for Literacy and Read,Write, Lead will be helpful for preparing for fall, both in my classroom and for my Literacy Core Leader duties for the school.

Read, Write, Lead– Regie Routman

Ditto.

I hope that summer provides time for you to escape into the world of a book at some point.  For me, that usually includes the hammock, although I end up sharing it with some very wiggly reading buddies.

What are some of the books on your reading list for the summer?

A New Chapter

Welcome, friends, to my new blog.  A friend regularly blows up her blog and starts again depending on life’s circumstances.  I started In the Shadow of Grace in 2010 as I struggled with being a stay-at-home-mom to two littles under 3 and I missed the rhythms and measures of being creative daily as a classroom teacher.  We were in the process of moving and beginning on a grand adventure and I wanted a forum to share those experiences with others.  Writing became cathartic in my life as I shared life with friends, old and new.  It was special and life-giving.

I technically started this blog three years ago when we moved back home in the midst of a significant life change.  Ben and I were switching roles- he was going to stay home with the boys and I was going to be the main breadwinner.  Three years in, we have both really enjoyed our new roles and God has blessed us in our new context.  In the midst of the daily chaos, however, I was never able to find time to actually write on this blog that sat neglected.  I have missed writing and so I am excited that life again has enough margin available that I can again focus some of my time on this small corner of the interwebs.

Words are life giving to me.  Whether they are read, written,  or spoken.  A well timed word can breathe the breath of life into a desperate situation and give perspective where lacking.  I look forward to sharing these words of mine with you.  I am not one hundred percent sure where this blog will go.  It will be filled with random stories and pictures and musings, but my hope is that you will be encouraged from your time spent on these pages.

Coming Tomorrow

The Grace Narrative kicks off tomorrow.  Come back at 10am Central Time for a preview of what my new blog will look like.  You can also check out my About Me page.

See you tomorrow!

Jennifer